Health and beauty

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Problems? Sister Raz is here to help


3/10/2005

Dear Sister Raz
I am a 22 year student who has suffered a lot in life. I have been with my boyfriend for the past five years, he is Pakistani and I am Arabic. He has always been there for me. His parents did not accept me because I'm Arabic, even though we're both Muslims, but that didn't bother me at all and it didn't bother him.
My parents did accept him at first but now they are completely against our relationship. Recently the situation has gone extremely violent. My dad is spreading rumours about me to all of his friends and family, he tells people that I am a tart. I am in my final year of study at university and I feel very lonely and upset. This is affecting my health and my studies. The problem is all my family members are encouraging my dad, even the ones who I thought I can trust. I can't even afford to move out of the family home. Please help me

Zynab

Dear friend
I think you should concentrate on your studies, as this will put you on steady grounds for the future. And when you get married, with both of your incomes you should be able to have your own place. Living separately from you family may help you get along better with them. Leaving on bad terms, as tempting as it may seem, will never solve your problems long run, and no one will learn from it.
If you stand your ground and get married, those who obviously matter to you will have to make a choice, as to what is more important to them, your happiness or their 'standards'.
As for others encouraging your father, well if you give people something to talk about, they will do just that. In the meantime, spend your spare time doing something you enjoy, and only take in what matters to you and discard the rest. This will reduce stress.


Dear Sister Raz,
I come from a large family. I have three older siblings and two younger ones and we all live with my parents and my uncle. However I am the only person in the family who works and earns money which means I have to pay all the bills, buy the weekly grocery and support everybody.
This usually means I am left with no money at the end of the month to spend on myself. I have been working for two years now but it just seems that I am an earning machine for the family. This has been getting me down. My parents don't seem to care as long as the food is coming in and bills are being paid.

Sick and tired, Manchester

Dear friend
What is your situation? Is it that you are the only member of the family who is physically or mentally capable of working? In such circumstances your family are possibly entitled to other means of help, which you can enquire about.
I feel that you need to communicate to your family how you are feeling and what you want. It maybe the only way your family accept their share of the responsibilities.

Dear Sister Raz
I married my boyfriend three-years ago despite my parents' refusal. Unfortunately things haven't been great with my husband and we have been arguing non-stop. Part of the problem was his family so we moved out.
This led to some improvement but his parents separated and his dad has come to live with us. His dad has been causing a lot of trouble between us and to be honest I hate having him in our home. My husband has become even more distant. I'm quite determined to make it work with my husband, after all I still love him. But I just can't move forward with his dad around.

AC, Oldham


Dear friend
You say that things have not been great between you and your husband, that you argue non-stop. Well is there something in your relationship worth fighting for? If so maybe you could consider getting some outside help and support.
Marriage is a big commitment, especially if you are carrying extra pressure to prove to your family that you made the right decision.
Family living arrangements are not always ideal. Review the options you have with your partner, and make the decision which is in the best interest of you, your partner and your father-in-law.


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Most recent 2 of 2 user comments

   for the girl who has suffered a lot firstly it does not help when a fellow confused person from oldham tells u to be disrespectfull to anyone let alone your parents. They will have to accept that you have a boyfriend you want to marry. It is the sign of times. You just have to be determined that you are really in love with him to sacrifice every thing for him. All i can say is that a similar thing happend to me but we never did any harram things but i did not disobeyed my parents. m so glad that my reputation was in tact . It makes me feel that i have so much breeding when i hear about girls like you we are a one of
sarah, london
11/01/2007 at 17:22
   Why don't you tell your family to get stuffed and accept that they live in Britain, not some backward fascist regime. If everyone else in Britain was as racist as this they would be arrested.
Ahmed, Sheffield
26/11/2005 at 01:05
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