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Problems? Sister Raz is here to help

30/11/2005

Dear Sister Raz
My husband's two older sisters are making my life miserable and are always trying to get me into trouble with my in-laws. They don't like they way I dress, my hair, my job, basically they don't seem to like me at all.
In front of my husband they are so nice but when he's not there they are very bitchy and are always making comments. This really hurts as I have tried my best to get on with them. They also go through my personal belongings and I have had things go missing which have later found their way into my sister-in-laws bedroom.
My husband's parents always take their side so I've got nobody to turn to. My husband is a great guy and a really nice person so I don't know what went wrong with his sisters. I just want them to be nice to me and to let me get on with things whether they like me or not.
Samina, Accrington

Dear Friend

You say your husband is a nice person, and seem happy with him, which is most significant. However, if there are other members of his family living with you, it is also important to have at least civilised relationships with them, to ensure your own physical and mental health and safety as well as everyone else's.
I believe that the fundamental value, to respect one another should be there. And you should accept no less than that.
I feel that you need to be more assertive and show what you will or will not tolerate, in order to make this difference.

Dear Sister Raz
I lack in confidence because I have a small chest and am only a cup size A. I'm quite tall and have a shapely figure but I feel as though I have no breasts and because of this I feel like an incomplete woman. I am so paranoid about them and wish they were bigger. Is there anything I could do or take to make them grow two cup sizes at least?
This is really affecting me and I feel as though people notice and talk behind my back. On special occasions I don't even feel like getting dressed because all the other girls look perfect and I look odd. I just wish I had a bigger chest.

Worried, Manchester

Dear friend
We are all individuals of different shapes and sizes. We are perfect in our own ways. And we would perceive and accept this if we lived in a society which promoted the idea of all shapes and sizes to be beautiful.
However, unfortunately we are influenced to live up to ideal looks which are selected by others, be it a small chest or large, as they can both be "fashionable".
Be an individual. Try to set your own values, as you do not have to live up to others. Then maybe you will make the decision of whether to change the way you look or not, based on the right reasons. And by doing this you may also be setting an example to many other young people who face the same difficult ideas.

Dear Sister Raz,
I'm at university and I recently met a girl on my course. I really like her but I don't know how to tell her. I've only got to the stage where I smile at her and she smiles back. I really want to try to get to know her but every time I work up the courage to go and speak to her I back out.
I do have female friends, but this is different, I really like her. I do know she doesn't have a boyfriend and we are on the same course so we do have something in common but where do I go from there. I don't want to make a fool of myself.

Idiot in love, Leeds

Dear friend
It sounds like you are afraid of what you might or might not hear, which is natural. Every relationship has stages, from meeting and greeting point to discovering personalities, what you have in common, compatibility, falling in love to getting married etc.
However, you can not contemplate at the beginning what is in the future without taking the journey. As it is only the first stage you are after, you do not have anything to lose, but only to gain. Remember to travel the distance you always have to take the first step. As missed opportunities are ones you will never know.